I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
