Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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