I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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