we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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