everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
