There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
