it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
