corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
