She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
