i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
