$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
