I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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