No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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