Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
