Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
