My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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