FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
