I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
