How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How does one acquire holy water?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
