I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
