fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
