he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just high enough for therapy.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
