I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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