I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
