I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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