I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
