guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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