remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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