My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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