Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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