If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
