the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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