3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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