just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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