your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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