just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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