My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
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If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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