he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I love you.
Bad choice
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
