Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
