Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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