He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
