I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
