You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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