i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
