dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
