the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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