i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize