After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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