I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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