I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
