Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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