I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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