it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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