and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
