My room smells like vodka and shame
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
