Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
