Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
