my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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