i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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